Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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