she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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