Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
