Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
