i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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