he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
