he shaved USA in his pubs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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