It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
