I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
