1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
