Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
