I just threw up on my dentist
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
