haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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