thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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