you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
