I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
