4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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