Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
