my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
