I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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