from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im holly from the hills drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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