it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
