im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
