What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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