Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
