I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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