Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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