Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
