Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
