The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
