I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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