I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
