i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
