I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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