I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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