evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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