"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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