I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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