It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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