Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
