We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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