His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
