if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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