So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
