Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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