He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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