There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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