Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
