Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
