# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize