Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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